Major Jitters General Jitters Field Marshal Jitters

I'm nervous as hell.

Tomorrow Alison is going into hospital as a day patient to have her wisdom teeth out. She's going under general anaesthetic so I have to be around to look after her for the next 24 hours.

I know she's gonna have a shit time of it with the pain and stuff afterwards, but it's the anaesthetic that bothers me.

Six years ago I had my appendix out. Coming round after was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. I don't like thinking about it and I certainly don't like the idea of her going through the same thing. I'm numb to it at the moment which means writing about it now doesn't bother me too much, but I'm just finding it a bit difficult, you know?

See what I hated was the fact that I was still feeling drowsy from the morphine but I was also being kept awake by whatever it was they gave me to bring me round. I couldn't get properly awake and I couldn't go to sleep. Being caught in the middle like that is truly one of my worst memories, worse than other things that should be considered worse.

I also have 4 hours between her going into theatre and picking her up.

Guess who's going to have a very antsy morning? Even though I've got time off for the next two days, I may end up popping into work while she's having the op, just to keep myself occupied.

Then again, I don't think I'd be good for anything.

Arrrrgh, stress.

Some of this probably sounds a bit selfish, and it probably is too. But this is my place for my feelings, and if I'm worried about how I'll cope with something I'll say so. I'm still worried about her for all the usual reasons that go with this kinda situation too, natch.

I just hope I cope well enough to do a good enough job of looking after her.