Mr Izzard's Special Comedic Oration

So, Eddie Izzard.

For the benefit of people like Ros who will be going to see him later this month and people who don't want to spoil watching the DVD comments about his material and quotes will be left until the end so it's more easily skipped. I'll warn you.

First comment: Parking, Birmingham NIA: Nightmare. That's Nightmare, not Knightmare. We didn't have to put a silly helmet on and then make believe that we were in a D&D world in order to gain a parking space. Incidentally, Tregard, the Dungeon Master bloke from Knightmare used to shop in the branch of Waitrose I used to work. I'd often weigh his fruit and vegetables.

[Note for Stateside readers: Knightmare was this dungeons and dragons type version of Crystal Maze on kids tv in the late 80s. Except the person doing all the puzzles had a big helment on that meant they couldn't see anything and they had to be directed by their team-mates. Tregard was the Games Master bloke and had scary eyes.]

We eventually cheated to get a parking space, along with a number of other people. I believe we ended up in parking spaces that the powers that be did not intend to be used. Ha.

Second comment: Birmingham NIA: Too big for a stand-up gig. Eddie's voice was all echoey and although there was a big screen to help you see him better that was a bit odd because it didn't seem much different from just watching a stand-up video. But if you didn't watch the screen you missed some of the nuances of his expressions.

Third comment: People are total fuckwits when it comes to getting out of car parks after gigs. Everyone rushes to get out of their spaces and drives using the "Me!Me!Me!" attitude and within seconds of the gig finishing the car park is gridlocked and it ends up taking three times as long to get out. Another spectacular triumph of self-interest over common sense. AND everyone keeps their engine running, because otherwise they might not be able to creep forward two inches immediately when the car in front does the same every five minutes. I know all drivers are hypocrites, and that I'm probably guilty of the "Me!Me!Me!" at times when I'm behind the wheel, but that sort of thing really fucks me off.

An extension of that is people who leave the gig before it's actually finished in order to miss the traffic. After the second half finished some people stood up immediately and pushed their way out, or left before Eddie had even left the stage. He came back on for an encore and people who were halfway out of the hall just carried on leaving. That just struck me as being rather rude.

I think that's all the things I had to bitch about, I thought I'd get them out of the way before I got onto all the good bits.

It was very funny. Personally I found the second half funnier than the first half, I think. I was laughing heartily at many many points, eventually to the point of wheezing because the drinks machine outside our block of seats was broken and my throat was getting really dry.

His outfit in the second half was a bit odd, partly I think owing to the fake breasts. From a distance (ie, looking directly at him, not at the screen) he looked like a young headmistress, you know, smartly dressed and well-to-do. I found this a little off-putting for the first ten minutes or so.

I'll say no more about the fake breasts.

People like Ros who don't want to know too much about the show should probably look away now, I'm not entirely sure at what point I'm going to cross over into talking about his material so better to be over-cautious than under.

Alison did find in places that she suffered the usual 'watching Eddie Izzard' effect, becoming sleepy from time to time. As has been documented somewhere in the recesses of my guestbook, she is not the only one to experience this problem. She got a bit pissed off with herself over this, because it meant she kept losing track of what he was saying. I think she probably picked up on all the really good bits though, mostly because she had me laughing my head off in her ear.

Some of my favourite bits (if you haven't looked away yet definitely look away now! don't even glance at the below paragraphs...

• "Agamemnon had an Achilles Neck. One swift blow with a bloody great axe and it finished him off."
• "Smokers are more polite than racists, because smokers will ask 'Do you mind if I smoke? You do? Okay I'll smoke outside' whereas you never get racists asking 'Do you mind if I'm racist? You do? I'll be racist outisde'"
• "When a Fire engine comes along, you look in your mirror and it says 'FIRE', and then you behind you and it says 'ERIF', and you think 'ERIF? He needs to get out of the way, there's a fire engine trying to get through'. And then when there's a police car you look in the mirror and it says 'POLICE' and then you look behind you and it says 'ECILOP', and you shout 'Fuck off! You big one-eyed monster thing'. And then when there's an ambulance you look in the mirror and it says 'AMBULANCE'. You don't bother looking behind you then. You just trust that they know what they're doing."
• "And Fox Hunting... Fox Hunting came about when Posh People struck an alliance with Chickens..."

He didn't do his James Mason impression. *SULK*