The Bit In The Middle

OK, let's start at the end and work backwards. Not that I'm fixated on backs at the moment. Oh no. Ow Ow Ow Ow. Well guessed, I have a bad back. Last night, I was sitting on, er, the pouff�e(sp?) and I just shifted my weight a bit and then there was pain. Began as a small twinge, and then through the space of an hour it ramped up to full blown back-pain.

Right, so much for starting at the end. It would seem I've started in the middle. So let's just bounce around randomly without much thought for chronology.

Yesterday while Alison showed her sister the delights of Warwick Castle I began overhauling the bird table. If this sounds odd to you, good. If you're actually going to go as far as demanding more of an explanation, I made a bird table a couple of years ago. Having now been moved around a little and then transplanted from Leamington to Warwick it's getting a little the worse for wear. Hence it needs overhauling. Basically I'm replacing half of the structure and re-wood-preservativing it.

Then two crazy lesbians turned up, as often happens on sunny days in Warwick. I instantly provided them with coffee, thus increasing my chances of surviving the next few hours. Then, wouldn't you know it, bitchiness ensued. Throw an England/Ireland rugby match into the mix (For those of you who have just tuned in, or who are reading from other parts of the world, or who are just clueless, Me and Anne = English, British, whatever; Sham = Irish) and you just know it's either going to be hilarious or bloody.

So after our limbs had been sewn back on and our lesser wounds had been dressed by qualified medical practioners, we walked into Warwick. A general bitchy theme continued, sprinkled with a smattering of innuendo, euphemism, then topped with a large portion of unsubtlety. Because when you're all on the same kind of wavelength, who needs euphemisms?

We took root in a pub garden, which it didn't take us long to empty. Then again, maybe the other people did disappear because it got a bit too cool once the sun went in, but it's nice to think that perhaps the general level of "maturity" to our conversations were what got rid of everyone else. Or maybe it was the mention of the cactus.

And then there was a meal - Alison, her sister, and her sister's bloke joined us for drinks, then Alison had to get sister and appendage to the station. On her return we went to Ask Pizza, which we had also eaten in the night before (which I haven't told you about yet, confused much?). This was perhaps the most hilarious, embarassing and possibly disturbing trip to a restaurant I have had in a long time. And really, the conversations there last night, you'll be glad I didn't use the phrase "eating out".

Just to confuse the chronology of this diary even more, I'm going to have to leave it there. Because I am knackered, and because I feel like shit. And, because I find that if I go red to begin with...