All The Things You Said...

Disturbingly, it would seem that DJ Sammy's rendition of Boys of Summer is growing on me. It could just be the irritating catchiness of the tune, or it could be the spell of luvverly summer weather we're getting at the moment. Either way, it disturbs me. I don't want to like it, but it seems I am starting to. Anne, honey, if this sort of thing carries on, be sure to kick my ass, okay?

At the risk of getting my ass kicked straight away, I've been downloading a bit of music lately. Already got I Can by Nas, because it's kinda clever and cool and because Alison likes it; True by Jaimeson, because for some reason I find the female rap part of it very sexy - any ideas why, tell me; and I'm trying to find Favourite Things by Big Brovaz to download, mostly because I find it kinda interesting and want Alison to hear it. Really don't know how much of an excuse that is, but really don't care. I'm hoping that's not enough to get my ass kicked. Eclectic hip-hop-ish stuff isn't as bad as Europop Karaoke cover versions. Not in my book, anyway.

So today was the dentist appointment that I should've had two weeks ago. It went okay, although I was left feeling a little rattled afterwards. I think that was more down to my own nerves and stressing though than anything that actually happened.

Wandered into Leamington afterwards. Jesus there is totty around at the moment. I think the hot weather is causing some kind of hormone overdose to take place in my body, because it's like all these fit women have suddenly come out of the woodwork. It was the same in Daventry at lunchtime, only Daventry was thankfully devoid of schoolgirls wearing shorter skirts than t.A.T.u. who you look at and just think "Wrong. Wrong. Wrong." And before you start making sordid assumptions, yes, they were young, but they weren't that young. This hot weather is also leading to a certain amount of inappropriate thoughts about colleagues and clients' employees. Thankfully there were no Creme Eggs in the building today, lol. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a bad bad man.

I promised some comments on the survey results. I won't go so far as to call it analysis because it's not really in any kind of in-depth statistical doo-hickey, but anyway.

• 2 people answered "Do I know you?" with "Not in the Biblical Sense". Nymphos.

• A description of me: Amusing. British. Buffy. Complimentary. Creative. Cunt cunt cunt (thanks Dunk). Decent. Dry, sharp-tongued softie. Genuine. Insecure. Intelligent. Knowledgable. Lego. Pedantic. Scifi. Stubborn. Ugly hairy monster. (Pedantic is highlighted because it was said twice, LOL)

• The survey was filled out by more regular readers than people who stumbled in off the street. But only just.

• Only a third of you were sensible enough to dread what questions I might ask. Either that or some of you get off on being asked searching questions.

• The coolest thing someone would do if they were George Bush for a day is participate in a gay parade. The coolest thing someone would do if they were Saddam Hussein for a day is "rename iraq 'the united states of america' so that from now on we'd have to call the war 'the war on the united states of america' and we'd have to talk about sending troops to america and bombing america and how america has horrible weapons." There was also the suggestion that either way, people should do this.

• More people would kill themselves if they were George Bush for a day than would if they were Saddam Hussein for a day. In fact, there was a definite preference amongst people for killing George Bush if they were Saddam Hussein for a day.

• Death Valley 7, Siberia 8.

• People who know me think I'm geekier than them. People who don't know me think they're geekier than me. Minderella thinks she's of the same order of geekiness as me, which seems wrong, since she's hot enough to qualify for a "Get out of Geekiness Free" card.

• What makes the world go round: Love 5, Sex 6, Money 5, Oil 1.

• Scientific thought on trees falling over is contradictory.

• End of the World: Bang 11, Whimper 6.

• Loss of Virginity: Bang 6, Whimper 7, General Evasiveness 4, Fuck Off And Mind Your Own Business 1.

• Eminem 9, Mariah Carey 2, Argh, Neither 7.

• Minderella was the only one to understand the bag question, although other people had an inkling.

• I don't know the "official" punchline to the Lapdancer Lightbulb joke, I just thought I'd see what answers I got. There was a definite tendency towards how little light lapdancers actually needed, and also towards the cost of getting a lapdancer to do anything.

• The last things people learnt about themselves before filling in the survey tended to be more positive than negative. The last things people learnt about me tended to be about the questions I'd been asking, but two people both learnt that I'd got DIY skills, and two people both learnt that I used the word "learnt".

• When presented with the tongue-twister about the woodchuck as if it was a serious question, most people try to be smart alecs. Oh, and Sham will always use the keys 3, 4 and 7 when typing random numbers.

• Very few people have ever played The Secret Of Monkey Island. No one but me reads Green Lantern, or knows the name of the current incarnation, but GolfWidow knows how to use Google.

• Buffy 2, Faith 5, (N)either 8, Buffy on Faith 1, Kennedy 1. And of the people sampled most don't see the whole Buffy/Faith thing.

• Most people picked defining moments that made them better or that they're not sure about. And most people (though not necessarily the same most people) wouldn't just fuck their brains out if the end of the world was imminent.

• Minderella, the Bang/Whimper thing may not presuppose that the world will end in five minutes time, but the world ending in five minutes time does presuppose that the world will end, and hence presupposes the answer to the Bang/Whimper question. Don't try and out-pedantic me, I'm British, it's in my blood.

• A dead heat between head and heart as to which calls the shots. Not that I believe all the people who said head :D

• People like blue bathrooms. That question appeared in the survey because we had just painted the bathroom, which I think most of you will have guessed. Quite a few people opted for colours that could be taken as approximating to the colour we painted. Which was spooky.

• Everyone tells the truth.

Erm, that took up more column-inches than I was intending, and is probably dull for most readers. And as one final statistic I think this entry probably has more links in it than any other I've written. And it's really time I shut up.